She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
