They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
