I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
