the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
