i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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