We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
