We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
