How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
