your thong is hanging out like whoa
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
