Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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