dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
