We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
