peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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