That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
