you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
