There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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