Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
