I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
