She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
