there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
