operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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