Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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