Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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