I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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