Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
