It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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