She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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