apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
