Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
