You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
