The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
