Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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