I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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