Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
