i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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