Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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