Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
