Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
