I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
