Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
