3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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