I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
