You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
