omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
