Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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