i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
