He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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