i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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