if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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