I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Everclear isn't food dammit
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
