So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
