was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
