Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
