how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
