So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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