There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
