the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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