Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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