Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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