That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
