its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize