White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
