The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
